Are you ill? No… just pale.
Can’t even (judge me for starting a post with ‘can’t even’, but it really is necessary) tell you how many times I have had this exact conversation during my least favorite time of year.
AKA months October-February when I can’t bronze my skin in the sunshine. Yeah, winter/fall, I am talking about you.
What is it about the sun that makes you look you like you drink all your water, eat all your veggies, take all your vitamins, get 8-full-hours of sleep, have your skin care routine on point and life 100% together? I’ll say it loud and say it proud; I’M A BETTER PERSON WHEN I’M TAN.
What I’m not proud of however, are the lengths I’ve gone through to try and hang on to my sun kissed skin all winter long.
Yes, I was a routine seasonal fake baker, cancer in a box user, walking cheeto, life sized Oompa Loompa kind of gal. I have regrets and have repented my sins, okay.
Why am I so desperate for a summer tan? Did I watch too much Jersey Shore? Disclaimer: all colors are BEAUTIFUL. I just happen to really love being tan, probably because I grew up in a beachy town.
This is actually the first winter since high school that I have gone without fake baking entirely. I know you anti-sunners out there want to rip me to shreds right now, I KNOW. Promise, I will make an appointment to check for sun spots, don’t kill me. BUT, this post is intended to reach those fellow fake bakers out there, yes girl, I am talking to you. I know somebody has to keep those salons in business.
And, yes, I know you have questions. How did I transition into this lifestyle of pure pale acceptance, you ask? Well let me tell you, it wasn’t easy and this pale ass forehead shined bright like a damn diamond in holiday photos this year. Thank God for saturation, I’m just going to leave it at that.
To give you the 411, let’s rewind to October of last year. For my 24th birthday the universe gave me the gift of FOREHEAD LINES. Yes, it might as well have been a pair of beaty little python eyes staring me in the face that glorious hungover morning. *shrieking horror film sounds*
There are much worse issues happening in the world right now (cue the Kourtney K. iconic “Kim, people are dying” quote) and I am hoping my boyfriend doesn’t read this because he will pull me off my high horse real fast, but DAMN. The damage I had put my skin through because I wanted to walk around like a bronzed barbie mid-January hit me like a freight train.
Should’ve called this post:
Chronicles of a wrinkly ass twenty-four-year-old.
Catching Up with the Human Cheeto: 5 years Into Fake Baking
I feel like fake baking is an ex that I just don’t want to let go of and would probably text ‘Happy Valentines Day’ if I could. You know the creepy type to only roll up on lonely holidays? That is fake baking and I.
Simply because I am an open book with a big mouth; I thought about investing in a little bit of botox in my forehead. After some thought, I felt like that was a treat I just didn’t deserve. (I am also one of those super skeptical people who has to do years of research before I commit to something; doctors, benefits vs. side effects, etc.). I will also mention that I’m stubborn AF and wanted to see if there were other alternatives to combat aging. Well, I’ll be darned I found some and just had to share them with the world. (Big mouth problems).
In full frantic mode and mid 20-something-year-old crisis, I invested in some products to reverse the damage that UV rays did to my poor forehead. (AND CANCELED MY ULTRA TAN PACKAGE FOR GOOD, SWEAR).
It was go time: mission forehead shine bright like diamond in full effect.
I owe this one to my favorite, Lauryn Evarts of The Skinny Confidential. I’m an avid listener to her podcast and was whisked away to skincare heaven when she had Dr. Dennis Gross himself on to explain what his pure magic patented 2-step peel pads do. I’m 5 weeks in and never turning back. Combine this with his vitamin-C serum to get HOOKED. I have to say, this really was the main contender that minimized scarring and the lines on my forehead (my biggest skin insecurity, if you haven’t noticed).
PS: Don’t start with the extra strength! He advises to slowly work your way up; check out the podcast I listened to on The Skinny Confidential for more info.
Me and this little bud go way back and I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it in multiple posts because it is that good. I call it: Hydration Nation. Yeah, I’m officially annoying, but this product is a drink of water of your face.
3. Rosehip Oil
You know all those memes people were throwing around about coconut oil?
Face dry? COCONUT OIL. Hair frizzy? COCONUT OIL. Boyfriend acting up? COCONUT OIL.
Yes, those ones! Well, this is how I feel about Rosehip oil. It makes my skin silky soft and also adds a natural tint to your face. WIN.
FUN TIP: Don’t annoyingly pay double for this at Whole Foods; amazon link included. #Im #Petty
If you have minor scarring, this is a Godsend. Seriously, giving me the forehead of my DREAMS. I’m a simple gal, really.
If chemical peels scare you like they do me, give this stuff a try.
ALSO: Not a bad idea to ask a local esthetician what kind you should be using. I got advice from two certified professionals. Don’t be afraid to ask for the head esthetician, even at your local Bluemercury.
5. SPRAY TANS V. SELF TANNER
Okay give it to me straight, people. I had an ~incident~ in the 8th grade where I got a spray tan and legit looked like I soaked in chemical bath full of mango Tropicana. Not kidding, still sensitive about it, and pretty sure my friends that I grew up with have archived pics. I’M SCARRED.
Comment, email, DM me, LET ME KNOW if you spray tan, use self-tanner, or just keep it natural. I’d love to get a compilation of what you use, try it out, and do a post on some of the best stuff for those of us trying to wean our way off fake baking.
In the mean time: SPF it up and stay out of those tanning salons. (I am turning into my mother??) My skin better thank me in 10 years.