We have certain years that are much better than the rest, but what makes one slightly sweeter than the others?
Did you find love? Did you find loss?
Did you find that certain “thing” that lights a fire inside of you? Or did you happen to find your kryptonite that tears you down?
Did you lose 20 pounds or perhaps gain 20 pounds?
When I think about the best years of my life, I drift into thoughts about what I gained and what I lost. Did the gains outweigh the losses?
When I lost 20 pounds, did I gain the self-confidence or 25 boyfriends that I pictured myself having when I lost the weight? (Completely metaphorical, 25 boyfriends would mean the Tinder game would have to be so strong my thumb would fall off).
Each year, I would sit myself down and write a list of New Year’s resolutions that painted a perfect portrait of how I wanted my life to be a year from now.
This facade of a perfect year always fueled another infamous New Year’s Eve with me thinking, “Wow, I just wasted another year of my life trying to complete the same list of things I made for myself five years ago.”
Was I celebrating another year at midnight, or just the idea of an excuse to start over and work on that old list of things that I never got to?
Yeah, no, I’m done with that. I am the Grinch of New Years and I’m done with typical New Year’s resolutions.
I’m an all-or-nothing kind of gal, if you haven’t noticed. So, on a path to self-reconstruction, I threw everything I knew about New Year’s resolutions out the window and started from scratch. Really scary, yet exhilarating. No boundaries, no rules, no nonsense constantly being whispered in your ear such as, “This is what is best for your future…” from everyone around you.
These weren’t your normal ‘frou-frou’ let’s go to the gym, stop eating so much, and find yourself a nice man kind of resolutions.
I told myself I was going to take a step back from writing (because if you want to really feel what is going on in your life, pick up a pen and write about it) and live my life. I told myself I was going to travel more than ever this year and see my friends that I always say I am going to visit, and never do.
I told myself that although fitness is vital to health, it is not my life. Training in the gym multiple hours a day was not making me happy. In actuality, I was losing myself and it was an easy distraction. This at times, can be my kryptonite.
I told myself, I am done with the blog posts about how to organize your damn desk or get your life together by labeling your spice cabinet. Quite frankly, it’s EVERYWHERE. These things are great and the money is freakin’ easy, but I love to write about things that inspire women to be completely and unapologetically themselves. I am growing, I am learning, I am evolving, and so are all of you. No matter how old you are, you have the power to change who you want to be tomorrow. I sense a site relaunch, do you? #2018
For a minute at the end of 2016, I really didn’t see myself graduating. I had taken some time off from school and I wondered if it was really for me. I know some of you probably think, “Oh, another one of those spoiled college kids who has the opportunity to go to school and is crying about whether or not she wants to put in the work.”
Yeah, I probably was being a spoiled brat.
In actuality, I wanted to do so many things to try and make the world a better place and just could not figure out how to do it. I felt like I was wasting my life away, when I could be putting my energy and passion elsewhere to help solve the disconnect between mental and physical health.
I reluctantly went back to school in spring 2017, where I realized I was in the wrong major forcing myself to study things that I simply was not interested in. It was kind of like trying to force a triangle block into a shape meant for a circle, it just won’t work.
After a change in my major, along with some awesome professors, friends, and family who encouraged my writing, I’ll graduate this Spring.
I was brutally honest with myself. You must find your kryptonite and deal with that shit.
For me, I was blocking out the changes that really needed to be made.
I feel like to realize this, I had to let go of what I pictured my life to be five years ago and realize what actually makes me happy. I already hate myself for saying this, but I was living my life as a make-believe Samantha Jones, when really, the higher-power of the universe sees me as more of a whimsical Carrie Bradshaw. I SAID IT. I’m not sorry.
When sitting down to write your resolutions this year, leave some room for mistakes, growth, and a little freedom to find yourself. Allow yourself to get outside of your comfort zone, you might just find a little happiness in there and live the best year of your life.
Well, since I’ve knocked off the cobwebs and probably sent a shock to all email subscribers, comment or email me some of your New Year’s resolutions, what are you doing differently this year that you have never done before? Instead of writing of a new chapter, let’s write a whole new damn book.